I am so over it all it all.i just dont f-ing care anymore.Nothing that i say or do seems to change anything i still end up feeling sad and alone feeling.

So I am feeling a little Better about life well today anyway.Got a lot done with Dan's mothers house as far as cleaning it out.WE have 2 more car load of things to move then thats about the end having to deal with that place then we have to take care of everything that has been packed up.Finding place to store it all maybe be trickie .Have a mess in my house now but i dont care it will get cleaned up.Worked in Marys bedroom today got her new bed put together and her old one out.looks much better in there.Had a very nice time with Dan last night was so nice to be with him.We talked and cuddled in bed i ve miss that. i ve missed him even tho he has been here the whole time just to much of life getting in the way.All i can say is NO more i m not going to let life get in the way of that anymore i dont care if i have to be mean i want and need my time with him.He is the love of my life after all we have been together 8 years now.Just when i think i cant love him anymore if i try'ed too somehow i do.Dan always brings out the best in me.I am so very grateful to have in my life as well as in my heart.The power of love...........I love you hunny you very wonderful man.So anyway that all i have to say for now

So I have been dealing with a lot for a long time now.There have been a lot of changes mostly good very welcome changes.I set here thinking about all the bad things that have gone on..........I feel very angry inside trying to get my heart and mind to find the way to over come it all.My heart and mind are so turned around and going every which way that I am finding myself making things up into something real when there is not anything going on.Nothing like making something out of nothing.Trust the word trust what does this word mean anymore I would have said trust mean you are going to get f-ed over.At least this is that way my mind and heart have been thinking/feeling.Now I m going to stop thinking the way I am going to start telling myself that I can Trust.I can trust myself and the people that are still in my life the people that i cant trust at the point in my life are no longer in it YAY!! this is a good thing.but anyway i still have a very long way to go to get my life how i want it.the thing i want in my life are what i need to think about.I believe this is the time to start dreaming again time to start making the dreams come true.This is time to start to LOVE again love myself.I am worth loving going to remind myself of this every time i start to feel bad about things.The real catch is that i have nothing, not a thing to feel bad about I have not done anything wrong so why i am letting myself feel bad.I am a good person this is who i am this is who i have always been the person who loves cares and worry's about people that are close to my heart.i have done a lot of things for my family which i am just glad that i could do for them.Sometimes i feel bad that i cant do more for the people that i love.(In a way like this it is not a bad thing it reminds us that we love care about people and that we are good people.)

kitchen island make over

xmas 2010